Where's the line between professional girlfriend and just plain "professional?”

I’m the type of person that can distinguish himself between the two: I can be professional and I can totally be into someone. I think this comes from my long history of being friends with my superiors; being able to be both co-worker and friend. I am able to balance the two and also be able to separate myself as needed. I suppose that is a bit bi-polar. But I'm pretty good at it. And there is a time and place for everything.

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One of my best-friends was my manager at one of the stores I used to work. I told her everything. We did so much together, shopping, the gym, bar-hopping. At one point she even stayed in my apartment while she looked for another. And no one ever knew. Of course at work we would discuss life and such, but worked splendidly together: solving issues, creating initiatives. She even gave me my first “corrective” of my life with the most careful consideration and professionalism. I subsequently made additions to the corrective—if I wasn't doing what they thought I was, then I had so much more to correct; then quit a month later. I learned the most from her, not just of the job, but of life. And for that I am truly grateful.

My first boyfriend, whom I don't really count, was the director in a community theatre that I joined. It lasted only a summer, but it taught me many things. He was seven years my senior, which I know now is highly inappropriate and I still carry issues of age. Nine years ago, I was 17; he was 24. He was the first gay guy that I really knew—and after a few weeks discovered that we had feelings for each other. He said that I was with him because there “was nothing better around.” He was right.

We kept the relationship a secret for weeks; through rehearsals, parties with friends... We finally began telling our close friends, and they were nothing but supportive. During rehearsals we remained focused and maintained professional distance. Perhaps once or twice a kiss was stolen. The summer ended and he planned on moving to New Jersey, closer to New York. He gave me two days notice. I was livid. I remember walking down the street, back home and thinking—I have to enter my senior year of High School, single, again. The first of many endings.

For story purposes, he returned the following summer and cast me in the shows he was directing. And then when he realized that I had moved on, he concocted an asinine story and got me kicked-out of the theatre group. So, I wrote a letter to the board and got him kicked out. See, I can turn it off and move on...

Most of the time.

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I am a person who gets excited for things. Maybe a little too excited, which can get me into trouble. But for me, with matters of professionalism and the heart, there is a distinct line. I do tend to think matters in terms of black and white, which many people argue the shades of grey. I like structure and order. And there is a time for work and a time for play. This doesn't mean you can't have fun working. But this also doesn't mean that play can be easy.

Currently, balancing on a tightrope wondering which side I shall fall has been heavily minded. Can one person have it all: can you have the career and the man? Are the risks of a relationship equal or even out-weigh that of a career? Men come and go...but what if this one stayed? I would never compromise my career for a man, but perhaps entertain the idea of balancing both. I'm a person that takes chances and many risks. I think that's why I have gained a bit of a jaded perspective on love—I may take it a bit too far. But I will always continue taking chances and keep my hopeful optimism in one hand and my jaded realism in by back pocket.

How many people do you know that has dated someone they work with? Slept with? We are confined to an office for the majority of our day with the same people. And we are not always professional—walking the tightrope. Where we fall, nobody knows.
But at least we fall.
Just to bounce back and try it all again.