This Summer I have been to a few weddings, which at my age are gaining frequency. My friends are beginning to find that Someone Special and vowing their lives together. I have never taken a date to any of the weddings I have attended. I haven’t dated anyone long enough to be able to do so. So I go as Troy-Single, the funny, gay, friend that lives in New York City. It’s a badge I wear with pride. I see my friends, all paired off, so happy and hopeful. But do they look at me and see a withering flower, jaded by years of dating and getting no where?
I don’t think so.
I do wonder sometimes what my friends who are married or in committed relationships view me as—not to the point where I obsess over things; rather, when an event happens and once again I show up alone or I tell them of yet another unsuccessful d/ate that I had. Something must be wrong with him? No, I’m just very selective.
Do they turn to me as the entertainment out of habit? What will happen when I do attend a wedding with my BOYFRIEND!? It’s an earth-shattering thought…
“Are you seeing anyone yet?” That question can #@$* itself.
My friends have always been supportive, willing to offer advice and listen to the many stories. If nothing else, I look to my coupled friends for inspiration: it can happen. Sometimes it happens sooner rather than later. Sometimes we marry our high school sweetheart; sometimes we marry the man we met on the subway. We all are on a different life path. Had I stayed in Buffalo after college, I would be married with a house in Williamsville, matching hybrid cars and a husband who doesn’t care that I have become a housewife. Driving around Buffalo last month, that thought was very strong. And for a few moments felt very comfortable. It’s a life that would be simpler, easier, a bit more predictable.
Somehow I don’t think the grass is greener. Well, for me anyway.
I was at one of my best-friend’s wedding in August. I was surrounded by friends that I haven’t seen in years, yet partied like we’ve seen each other every day since. I was the only single person at my table—a realization that took a few hours. It didn’t matter. We all joked, we cried, we laughed…hard. Nearing the end of the night, surrounded by couples and many friends, I realized, I am amazing—single. I can do this and it is going to be amazing. It was a very sobering moment.
For me it’s not a battle, it’s not a race. I have enough stories in my repertoire that keep all my coupled friends happy. It is cliché but true: it’s about the journey. Yes, mine has been a roller-coaster and I have fought myself on many relationships. And while I was putting myself back together, it has been my friends that found some missing pieces, and that I thank them for. It's no secret anymore! People may change after they get married, but they still love you—single or not. Some day I shall join that crowd of left-handed ring wearers, sexless lives, and maybe even screaming children. I can't wait. And I'm pretty sure my friends can't either.
For all those who have found love, take a moment and really enjoy it. Feel that butterfly twitter around in your tummy. The few times that has happened to me totally makes all the shit worth it.
The good is so much better than the not.
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